I Am Powerful & Fearless (My Power & Strength Come From Within)

I Am Powerful & Fearless (My Power & Strength Come From Within)

We are all passive or acquiescent sometimes. That is, we use a mild form of passive-aggressiveness: “saying yes when we mean no.”

When we feel powerless or fear that using our power will cause bad outcomes, we resort to passiveness.

As children, we learn passiveness. We learn to be passive when others don’t like our behavior. We are taught to be kind and helpful. We are taught to love and be loved by others. This reinforces and affirms our need to please them. Subtly, we learn that we are responsible to other people’s emotions. How many times have you taken a wrong decision, despite your best judgment, to not “hurt their feelings”?

Be assertive is a better way to approach things. Being assertive helps you communicate clearly, build authentic relationships, understand your feelings, and meet your needs.

Signe Whitson says that “making friends” with your anger is her favorite way to describe assertiveness. With Nicholas Long, Ph.D., she co-authored The Angry Smile. This meaning is: “a learned behaviour that is used in verbal, non-blaming and respectful expressions of anger.”

Brandt stated that assertiveness is about having a strong sense self-worth and setting healthy boundaries. She said assertive communication is direct, clear, honest, without hidden agendas, and acknowledges the other person. It is a way to express your feelings and learn from the other person how they feel about the same situation.

In many workplaces, assertiveness can be subtly discouraged or even outright banned. Employers and employees are both at risk from the hierarchy in many workplace cultures, which makes it difficult to express emotions. Teachers prefer students who are compliant and don’t ask questions. It is a common societal norm. Direct, emotional, honest and assertive communication are key. It is the best way to avoid passive acquiescent interactions.

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Here Are Five Ways To Communicate Assertively.

1. Let anger go.

Anger is a major obstacle to assertive communication. It is often interpreted as if anger is something bad. It is important to recognize that anger is a natural and normal emotion. Anger is not a negative emotion. It is okay to feel whatever emotions you may have.

As an executive coach, I recommend to clients using mindfulness to express and process anger. You should also look for other emotions than anger. You can name them one by one, such as “I’m hurt,” “I feel embarrassed,”” “I feel heartbroken,”,”I feel anxious,” or “I’m ambivalent.”

2. Be clear and assertive in your requests

A clear assertive request is simple and not complicated. Passive requests are more complicated and often asked in a convoluted manner. Passive requests can be as simple as “I’m so overwhelmed with project work this week, and boy do I wish that I had some help to meet these deadlines.”

A more assertive request is: “Will your help me with a few projects that I need to complete by Friday?”

3. Accept the feelings of the other person.

Understanding others’ feelings and their motivations is key. However, just because you validate someone’s feelings doesn’t mean you have to agree with them. Example: “Lisa. I can understand your frustration that you had to change work days to complete this project; however, it is important to me and it is something I appreciate.”

4. Listen well.

A good listener is someone who has a nonverbal, respectful attitude. Eye contact is essential, as well as managing your emotions and thoughts. This allows you to set aside any personal agendas, reactions or rescue attempts.

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5. Be collaborative.

Working together is part of being assertive. This means working together, being cooperative and constructive, and seeking out ways to make both of you happy.

We can help you reach your highest potential in 2016,

People Strategists for Integral Business Transformation IAC’s mission to inspire professionals to become authentic and servant leaders is its mission. You can achieve more career success, impact, and joy using holistic, emotionally intelligent methods as you powerfully present yourself.

 

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